Tips for slowing down and responding.
In-person meetings (face to face /virtual):
Go over agenda, prepare for what you know is going to happen.
Are there any potential points of conflict or friction?
Think about triggers. What might be any criticism you could hear about yourself or your team? Ask could any of it be triggering for me?
Decide what battles to “fight”. How will you respond, and not react to these points of conflict or friction?
AND, prepare and practice rational responses that reflect your values.
Be firm, be polite, be empathetic, and be civil.
For electronic communication:
Feel the feelings (yell, scream, curse, write a reaction that you don’t send and just delete).
Notice how tense/stressed your body feels and do something calming.
Take a walk.
Chat with a friend or mentor/coach. Don’t gossip , work through your feelings.
Now think through your response, remembering to consider the impact.
Work to de-escalate and problem-solve (remember people aren’t problems!)
Respond with politely, build civility, and with empathy.
Simple phrases to help de-escalate…
I hear you are upset/angry/frustrated, how can we work together to solve this issue?
What information can I provide to help you with this issue?
Moving forward how can we collaborate to improve the process for both of us
In the future how could we work/communicate better to avoid this situation again?
Moving forward, I need the following information to help avoid a situation like this in the future
