Building civility.
Politeness may be the cheap relationship builder, but it takes ongoing civility to build a collaborative/cooperative workplace culture. Ninety-eight percent of us have experienced incivility in the workplace, whether through a hostile colleague, or a less gracious, demanding colleague. Civility is more than politeness; it is an ongoing effort to build and maintain a healthy cooperative workplace. Without civility, a toxic work environment can grow and thrive in its place.
Basic foundations of civility:
Graciousness. The presence of kindness and courteousness.
Cooperation. A norm that we work and solve problems together. Features: compromise and collaboration.
Humility. We recognize we are not the center of the workplace. We are an important piece but not the only important piece, and that we can be wrong, and are willing to acknowledge when we were wrong.
Empathy. Critical for understanding others and treating them with respect and dignity.
This foundation builds:
Trust
Respect
Dignity
Fosters productive cooperative and collaborative interactions
While working in Ohio, I experienced what happens to a workplace when civility has not been maintained. I arrived at the job with high hopes and expectations, since it was my first professional position. It became quickly apparent what I had entered was a toxic workplace. Colleagues would openly express distain for one another, and open conflict was always just below the surface.
Two meetings come to mind that exemplify the incivility. During a routine meeting, we were discussing how to improve and receive feedback on our work. I mentioned that I appreciated when colleagues observed me and provided helpful feedback, as a way to develop as a professional. About mid-way through, a colleague shouted (yes, shouted) me down about how my idea was stupid, and he didn’t have time to ask for that level of feedback/mentoring. He stated he refused to openly share how he worked or interacted with clients. WHOA. I’m tough so I let it roll of my back (his behavior really was more about him than me), but I did have two senior colleagues stop by my office later to see how I was and to tell me they supported my idea.
In the second meeting, those conflicts that had been simmering rose to the surface and exploded. Two senior managers engaged in a shouting match about a topic so minor that I have forgotten what it was! The two senior managers did not care or understand how their behavior was affecting the rest of us, and how demoralizing it was to watch. The whole incident led to my one and only real migraine.
Toxic, uncivil workplaces:
Increase stress
Impacts health
Decrease cooperation
Employees leave
While my former workplace may be an extreme example of a toxic workplace, my guess is you also may have had similar experiences. General rudeness, ungraciousness, and even downright hostile workplace behavior. At some point those screaming managers were friends who spent holidays together. The workplace had been a healthy, civil thriving one, but it experienced a lot of change quickly, and small slights or misunderstandings escalated. Individuals in this toxic workplace became more concerned with personal outcomes than group or collective goals, were territorial over their fiefdoms, and conflict only ever escalated, never de-escalated, and basic politeness didn’t exist. Senior colleagues did not respect each other, were not gracious, and did not model community building behaviors. When a workplace reaches this point, a vacuum is created where civility cannot take root, and incivility thrives.
The good news is every workplace can change! Whether it is at the extreme end of incivility or just experiences occasional lapses in civility. For my former workplace, newer employees and new management were able to shift the culture. Upper management modeled civility, treated employees and each other with respect, and they acted transparently to build trust. Among the employees, some of the old guard left, and commitment to a more productive workplace allowed civility to develop and thrive.
Our workplace communities are not dissimilar to our personal relationships. Both take time, effort, and care to develop and maintain. Many of what we consider good relationship behaviors, are also applicable in the workplace.
